Saturday, March 25, 2006

Tab McGrifth

Age: 69

Sex: M

Occupation: Radio host of Living Life as Your Right, a radio show which promotes the Christian Right and tough juvenile justice amongst other topics.

Born in Okracrobee County, North Carolina to an ornery sharecropper and his meek wife, Tab had early on wanted more than the life they had to offer. He wanted to sleep in a real bed, with more than 2 pairs of patched drawers to his name and pee without fear that a snake would bite into his pecker in the outhouse. He was sick and tired of living his life around the Farmer's Almanac and the phases of the moon.

Just as soon as he finished his 8 years of education (all his school offered) and received his diploma, he enrolled into Monrie Jr. College to study journalism. Now his father was against this decision but Tab's mousy mother stepped in and combined her voice with Tab's and furthering his education became a reality. But Tab knew what vocalizing an opinion cost his mother. He saw the signs of "home correction"--commonly called domestic violence today--when he returned home.

When he'd finished his two years, Tab found himself at loggerheads with his Pa and the long overdue explosion with his father came to a head. His Pa gave him the ultimate directive: "Get on!" Tab packed his two pairs of patched drawers, three hoghead souse sandwiches in a cardboard satchel, and along with $20 his mother ferreted to him, left to find his destiny.

He pounded the pavement, going from station to station with no luck until he reach WDMN. Now the crafty coot who owned WDMN, Whitehall Fordham--Whitey Ford, as Tab later called him-- saw something he liked in Tab. In fact when Whitey asked him if he wanted to work there, an overjoyed Tab responded, and I quote: "I'd sell my soul to the Devil for a chance to work here."

And so it began...

Tab's chance to prove himself came quickly. He wasn't on the job but a few months when a monumental event occured which catapulted Tab, Whitey Ford and WDMN to national prominence: Tab's coverage of a white woman claiming to have been raped by a black man. When the man's name surfaced, Tab took to the airwaves, pleading for the good folks to ferret out the scoundrel and bring him to quick justice. And vigilante justice was metted out rapidly. Thanks to Tab incitatory pleas and encouragement, the man was found and hung on the giant oak in front of the Courthouse Square. The only problem was, the woman was loose, like as in had many shoes under her bed which weren't her husband's loose, and the man was most likely innocent. But that didn't stop Tab then and hasn't stopped him 50 years later.

Wonder what he will say when Luke pays him a visit...

Devil's Orchestra. Whose side are you really playing for?

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